Sunday, January 29, 2012

Whereupon Your Beloved Author is Dealt a Swift Gut-Punch by the Universe

I got some rather startling and disturbing news a couple of nights ago, that Mistress and her husband are moving across the country to take care of his elderly parents. The talk at first was doing the move thoughtfully and calmly over a long period, like a year. That was a bit easier to swallow... but now she is saying she wants to do it expeditiously, time frame 2-3 months, because the more time that passes is just more chance for something bad to happen without them there.

I have been trying to process this since two nights ago and I didn't allow myself to cry, but last night, I finally broke down and I haven't been able to stop.

I am very reasonable and understanding and of course someone should go take care of their parents. But I have to be reasonable everywhere else, so I just want to be selfish for a minute here and say that it's so unfair. So unfair.

They are moving back to their home, which is, ironically, about an hour away from whence I fled. So many reasons why I can't go with them, not the least of which is that I vowed never to move for a girl again (which is what got me stuck across the country in the first place and sort of became a pattern of behavior that my friends now tease me about).

I just fought a 10-year fight to move back here, my home.. I went through so much hell, living away, and it was terribly difficult. I had to rely on the kindness and charity of family to even get me where I am now. I just can't... I want to, of course, but I can't and I shouldn't. I need to finish school and try to get my shit together finally.

It's all so sudden. I can't wrap my head around it. We had had all these plans.. neither of us ever foresaw our relationship or my service ending so soon or so abruptly. It's too abrupt.

I shake my fist at the universe for the unfairness of it all. I feel like we just met. I feel like we were incredibly well-suited for each other. She has been a mentor, a dear and close friend, and the gatekeeper to so many new and wonderful things.

I'm crushed.

Monday, January 02, 2012

Happy New Year!

The last day of 2011 was pretty awesome.  I had agreed to volunteer as a roving ticket-seller (à la cigarette girl) at The Citadel's Wonderland fundraiser, which, being shy, definitely took me out of my comfort zone. I was quite proud of myself, though; not only did I throw myself into it, I was massively successful!  Apparently, I am exceedingly charming when I want to be and I managed to work the crowd out of a lot of money. In fact, I sold the most tickets of any of the girls, by far -- I even had to go back to drop money and get more tickets.  Total ego boost!

In addition to that, I contributed to the cause by buying myself a spanking (from two ladies at once, lucky me!), as well as a lap dance. I'm not usually one to get excited about strippers or lap dances, but the girl doing it was the first person to buy tickets from me, before I knew she was one of the booths, and we had chatted a bit. She was super nice and personable, not to mention gorgeous. So, when I saw her doing her thang, I knew I had to get in on it.  It did not disappoint.

To round out the fundraiser fun, there was also a silent auction of an awesome variety of toys, books, services, shoes, art, and so on.  I put my name down on a bunch of things, hoping I would win something, but was completely unsure as to what would happen.

Somehow, magically, serendipitously, I managed to be the only bidder on this set of leather spankers -- I won them for $10. $10!!

I never win anything, so I still can't believe my luck! However, I am seriously jazzed, as I have almost nothing in terms of a toybag, so this is quite the score.

After the fundraiser, I debated whether I wanted to attend the Citadel's NYE party. I did have a lot of fun at the fundraiser, but ultimately, I decided to pass on the party because I don't really know anyone.  Instead, I texted my friend to see what he was doing and he happened to be free, so we met for a drink and dinner, then proceeded to party our faces off until dawn.