I have a friend, AB, who is a ladykiller, despite the fact that he's pretty much an average guy. He's cute and a bit overweight, but not what most women would call "hot", so his skills with women have me really impressed. I mean, if he can do it, then I should be able to, right? I find myself seeking out his counsel when it comes to girls, and one of the things I love about him is he's the right balance of encouraging and advising. Plus he lets me tell him all the reasons why I think a girl might or might not be interested, and then tailors his advice toward my own personal brand of romantic ineptitude.
So AB and I were talking last night about this girl I just met, and I was filling him in on the evening she and I spent together. This girl is pretty hot and wicked smart, and I really like her, though I've been trying to rein myself in and be patient because I totally have the potential to screw it up. The problem at this point is I have no idea if she just wants to hang out platonically, or if there's a possibility for more. AB listened and advised, as he does so well, and then asked if I'd ever seen the movie Tao of Steve.
I hadn't heard of it, so AB explained the premise of the movie and the three principles. I don't want to tout it as an absolute truth, but it makes a lot of sense. So I thought I'd pass it along..
Rule 1 of the Tao of Steve:
Eliminate your desires. If you're out with a girl and you're thinking about getting laid, you're finished. A woman can smell an agenda.
Rule 2 of the Tao of Steve:
You have to do something excellent in her presence, therefore proving your sexual worthiness.
Rule 3 of the Tao of Steve:
After you eliminate desire, and after you've proved your excellence, you must retreat.
Now, of course these rules don't work all the time and every situation is different, but I think there's something to it. AB broke it down by rule; Rule 1 isn't just about sexual desire. It can relate to any sort of desire, such as if you're not happy with yourself or your life. You should feel content with who you are and where you are in life, even being completely single. In my mind, this is very similar to old cliches like "you never find love when you're looking for it" and "unless you love yourself, no one else will love you". Girls seem to like confidence and people who are comfortable with themselves. In addition, Rule 1 ties into Rule 3, in that being overly interested appears to be a turn-off to girls, so eliminate that desire and just act like yourself.
The example in the movie for Rule 2: a guy and the girl he likes are walking past a schoolyard. The two see a kid getting picked on in a dodgeball game, and the guy runs in and not only rescues the kid, but sticks around for a little while to help teach him how to play better. The idea here is not to do something crazy or out there to get attention, but that you should do something to make yourself stand out in the girl's mind.
Rule 3 is spot-on in my opinion. No matter how much I or anyone else hates games, the fact of the matter is that the whole romantic courtship thing is a game. Think about it, you talk to your friends and get advice as to what to do, you wonder if you should call, make a move, etc. The way AB described it, it has to do with the whole pursuit thing. It's all right to pursue up to a point, but too much is a definite way to scare a girl off (touché). Part of it is maintaining an aura of mystery and making the girl wonder if you like her, part of it has to do with power play. I don't know if I can explain this as well as AB did, but if you call too much or give too much of your attention, the girl might think she's superior and can do better because you're chasing her. If you don't overwhelm her with calls and/or your attentions, the roles are reversed; she might get the impression that you could do better and begin a pursuit of her own. Keep 'em wanting more.
When it comes to the rules, it may be that the girl doesn't even consciously think any of this stuff, but my experiences tell me there is something to it. Of course none of this is perfect for every situation, and I can already hear the scoffing, but I tell you what... AB has no problem with the ladies. I told him last night that I am drafting him to be my own personal Hitch. Incidentally, apparently Hitch is based on Tao of Steve.