Wednesday, April 03, 2013

I ❤ Needles

Jade and I recently attended a Needle Play 101 class, which has sparked a new common interest.

I've come to discover that I really love piercing play. I'd dabbled in it before, just enough to know that I wanted more, but I had no idea just how much I loved it until a needle session with Jade after the class. She ultimately poked me with 18 needles, accompanied by lots of giggling, tickling, and pinching, and I loved every moment!

The pain from the needles is minor and stops pretty much as soon as it goes in. Unless they're in a place that moves or the needles are messed with by a sadistic top, you actually don't really feel them. The effects of the needles feel amazing; I actually don't think it hurts all that bad, unless the needle top is intentionally being especially sadistic, and the body high, euphoria, blissed-out feeling is as good as any drug. I enjoy the needles and take them like a champ, and I even like it when the top is being extra mean on purpose. Turns out I'm pretty much a total needle slut!

It's something that has a very high enjoyability-to-pain ratio, meaning a wonderful internal chemical cocktail that sends me flying high and, apparently, has the potential to make me ridiculously aroused, sexually. The last time, by the end, I was so turned on that I couldn't stop squirming!

After the class, I immediately went online and bought my own kit and I'm so excited about it! All the supplies can be found online (hint: veterinary sites), the hardest thing for me to find was a chlorhexadine wipe. Our preferred needle type at this point is 22 gauge, 1.5" -- we've found the 1" to be a bit short.

Having briefly tried my hand at poking someone, at the class, I can attest to how much fun it is to be on that end, too. Due to time limitations, I only got to do one needle, but I really wanted to keep going! Jade enjoys being pierced, she's found, so I may get more opportunity to needle top -- yay!

Monday, April 01, 2013

Sex and Kink

One common thread of discussion in the kinky world is whether kink is inherently sexual or whether the two can exist separately. It's a question that comes up over and over on Fetlife; every time it's asked, different people weigh in and the ratio of yes to no varies completely depending on the time, the group, and the people answering. After a couple of years of observing these discussions, I've realized that this is simply one of these places where there is no simple or unified answer.

Quite a bit of BDSM is individualistic, in that beyond safe practices and other pragmatic concerns, actual details are left up to those involved, because what works for one doesn't necessarily work for all. Kinky people with a healthy, mature attitude accept that there's a pot for every lid, that a person might have unusual kinks, or kinks that don't speak to us personally, but that most likely, there is someone out there that shares them.

In the case of sex and BDSM, most people are divided into camps of those who feel that sex is intertwined with kink and those that separate the two, and then there's a smaller proportion of people that fall somewhere in the middle. There is no right answer, much like it is no more right to like apples over bananas, it's just personal preference.

This seems to be simple, I know, but the truth is that it's a very key piece of information. I am coming to learn that it is a subject that should be discussed directly at the beginning of a kinky relationship, to establish that both people have the same desires and expectations. I have been stuck on the vanilla way of dating, in which you have to sort of dance around things, all the while trying to work your way to that point. In my experience, it is not usually a good idea to be like, "Yeah, so are we going to have sex eventually, or no?"

(I kid. That is not how I would actually phrase it, obvs.)

The thing is, I keep finding myself in these sexless play relationships and it's getting really frustrating. Submitting to someone and receiving pain and their torments physically arouses me -- A LOT -- so it just feels weird and confusing to be that wet and turned on, to stop there and be done. It hurts, actually, that no one seems to want to go further, that they don't want to then enjoy what they've done to me. It feels like a kind of rejection, too. They must think that what we do is hot, or they probably wouldn't do it, so why exclude that from our relationship? At the end of a scene, I'm bursting with sexual energy and dying to then be taken, devoured, made to service, to perform.. I have so many fantasies and so much desire, but no outlet.

It should be noted that I'm writing this from a place of relative security; I have a Domme whom I adore and amazing kink on the reg. In my current situation, I am trying to get to a place mentally where I can accept it and not feel bad; whenever I think about it, I'm struck by how wonderful she is and how much I enjoy her company, and I'm totally won over by her. I cherish my relationship with her; my blather here is more of a commentary on an overarching theme... Mainly this is all is still a learning experience and I've come to learn that sex is an important component for me.

People in my life might read this and be thinking, "Oh my god, not this again." I ain't gonna lie, I am absolutely obsessed, but you know what? You would be, too, if you went as long without sex as I have in the past few years. It borders on ridiculous. So, yeah, I feel a bit shitty about the fact that no one seems to want to have sex with me. I mean, WTF? I'm cute and sexy, so why is my sex life as dry and barren as the Sahara...?

I don't really understand this separation of sex and kink, as the two are deeply intertwined for me. Kink is like super awesome foreplay and my body responds accordingly. Maybe my partners don't get turned on, but if they did, wouldn't it seem a natural progression to do something about it? I just find the whole thing to be odd, but it's becoming obvious that I need to shed the vanilla dance moves and be upfront about this topic when courting new partners. I've had my fill of sexless kink relationships, they don't feel 100% good, and unless the person is ridiculously awesome otherwise, it's not worth the hurt and frustration.