"How could I not have noticed?" I asked myself over and over, as I looked at her, taking in all the details with new eyes. I laid there appraising her sleeping profile and my heart sank with every confirmation: curly red hair, milky skin, curves, blue eyes...
I couldn't believe that I hadn't put it together before; it seemed so obvious now. There were even similarities in their facial contours and features. I found that if I squinted a little, it was perhaps too easy to imagine that I was lying next to ex-Mistress.
I felt a confusing mix of feelings. On one hand, it felt kind of good to imagine it was ex-Mistress, but that made me also feel guilty and weird. Guilty because here I was, lying next to someone and pretending she was someone else. Even if it was brief, even if it was just to try on the feelings to see what they felt like, it seemed wrong. I felt weird about it, too, like it was wrong and I shouldn't do it, but also I was a bit angry at myself for enjoying it when I really should have been over ex-Mistress long ago.
I don't know how I didn't notice the similarities before, since they seem so clear in hindsight. I honestly wasn't paying enough attention to see the whole picture; while they look alike, they also are very different, with completely different styles and personalities. I just never put it together until that early morning lying by her side; who would have expected the dim light of dawn to be so clarifying?