Fairness

The way I was raised, by my mother's example, no gift is given freely. Drilled into my head and extremely difficult to shake, even when it upsets my partners and doesn't serve me well, is that every gift given garners some sort of debt.  I've thus spent my life with a mental tally sheet -- not so much because I'm concerned about whether I'm getting my share, but because I want things to be fair and that everyone involved be happy and satisfied.

When I originally broached the subject of providing service in exchange for beatings, it took the form of 'trade'.  And, as trade, it is important to me that Mistress feels that I am working adequately to pay for her time and energy.  With weekly playdates, it put me well behind in terms of hours worked and what I would owe for a session.

Things have evolved, I feel, into more of a personal service relationship rather than a tit-for-tat straight trade.  What I mean by that, 'straight trade', is strictly business.  I recently had a brief discussion with her regarding how I feel that things are perhaps more fair now that I have play dates every other week, in terms of the hours I'm able to work in that time.  She thought about it and, bless her, she told me that she didn't think of it that way.

So, even though things were originally broached as a trade situation, to my delight, things have, in reality, become more of a personal service situation.  After talking with her, I feel I can relax somewhat on keeping a mental tally, of fairness, and know that she's satisfied.