I have been wanting to write, but have found myself unable. There is too much to think about and it renders me speechless. I wish I had words eloquent enough to convey what is inside my head, how much I want her, what she does to me. Even now I struggle. Why do my thoughts and feelings still my tongue? Steal my voice? I know I don't say enough, I know that my silence says the opposite of what I feel. If only I could express that my silence is not the lack of speech, it is instead full of too much to say. Too many variables, so much possibility. So much that I want. Not having the words, not being able to speak or to release them into the world as objects of beauty... my invisible gag.
Music has been my solace; I find relief while submerged in a medium of fluid emotional expression. My thoughts beat against the confines of my skull like the wings of a caged bird. Soft but insistent, they seek release that is not forthcoming. It would be easier if I could tie strands of thought together, sort them, discover what they mean. Why am I finding it so difficult? How can I convey the depth my want, cleverly and poetically, as it deserves to be expressed?
It would be so much easier if she could read my mind..
5 comments:
I appreciate your comments on my blog aout Holland. Currently, I reside in England and find that I do not miss being away from the United States.
Nonetheless, I genuinely enjoy your blog. I appreciate your intelligence and sensitivity.
Thank you.. I know I probably wouldn't miss the U.S. much either, if I were living in England. :)
I know. I started a post a couple of days ago, but something came up before I could finish. It's coming.. if I can find the time to sit and work on it.
It's been an interesting week. And thanks.
you are a really cool writer if it were a book i would call it a definite page turner
you are my first real blog entry that i have ever read i hope to god that it doesnt become to addictive. Congrats you have an interesting life to hear about.
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